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Famous pop-up prosecutor vows to fry Hamburglar.
Hareford Current News (Comedy Division)
Story by Reporter Stacy Jordon Cox
NEW LONDON COUNTY, CT -- It was a hot July day when the corpulent Connecticut pop-up prosecutor, known for convicting a computer illiterate substitute school teacher for porn pop-ups on an unsecured classroom computer, witnessed what he called, "A heinous act of fry theft" at his favorite eatery. Prosecutor David J. Smith was ordering a platter of hamburgers for colleagues in a New London County McDonald's when he saw a short man in a mask and striped suit reach onto Ronald McDonald's serving tray and grab a pack of French fries. Prosecutor Smith directed a McDonald's employee to call 911, then wrestled the fries from the suspect and took him into custody.
When asked about his bold act of courage Smith replied, "I'll have another hamburger please," ignoring the question.
Smith later told reporters he wanted to seek life in prison for the theft, but Chief prosecutor Kevin Kane, slurred between sips of a beer, that "the penalty should only apply to theft of American fries and not French fries". Despite advice from his supervisor, Smith vows to seek the maximum penalty in the case. The alleged victim Ronald McDonald may not be able to testify due to the fact he has been called to jury duty on another porn pop-up case.
The court has determined that the masked man - known as the Hamburglar, is incompetent to stand trial on the charges, but if convicted, he could face up to 40 years, 3 months, 2 days and 4 hours in prison. The courts explained this will be a difficult case and that finding a judge to stay awake during the trial will be next to impossible.
Disclaimer: This case is fictitious and resemblance to any individual is purely co-incidental.