I know about child abuse, from my earliest childhood memories. My father has a chemical engineering degree and worked most of his adult life for Monsanto. My mother could not trust my own father alone with me as she knew he wished me harm, and did physically abuse me, and then psychological and physical abuse continued.
My father did not want my mother to be nice to me, to hold me, to talk nice to me, or to do anything for me. He felt her duty was to him, and to his needs. I was just a parasite on his humanity, or lack thereof. I remember numerous incidents of having lit cigar thrust in my face or into my eye. I had burned eyelids and eyelashes over numerous occasions and years. Being slammed into a wall, beaten, or yelled at and lectured on what a piece of shit I was, happened almost daily when there were no witnesses.
My father said some pretty amazing things to me, especially when I was very young.
"You won't be allowed to enjoy your childhood, I didn't enjoy mine."
"I'm punishing him because he tried to get out of bed." Said to my mother. My father would come in my room, take my Teddy Bear out of my arms even if I was peacefully sleeping, unplug my vaporizer or knock it on the floor, and start slapping, or punching me for wheezing, or having asthma, or for his just being a sadistic, child abusing, narcissistic, bi-polar, corporate lunatic, douchebag. I realized from an early age my father was a complete liar and hypocrite.
"You belong permanently down the basement. You should not be allowed around regular people."
"You used 5 Kleenex, that's wasteful." I was punched in the face for this. I still had snots to fill a Kleenex full with. My father would sit outside the door and try and count how many sheets of toilet paper I used, so he could burst in on me taking a dump and start beating on me.
"I don't want your mother or anyone else being nice to you, it'll make you think you are special, or something." This statement usually preceded a beating and a barrage of cruel put downs.
Age 5 he told me, "Don't waste your dime calling me when you are in prison. I won't care and I won't help."
"I'm an important man, no matter what excuse you may have, you are not worth my time."f
"You're worthless and annoying. You need to ask anyone you meet what is so annoying about you, and what you need to fix you. Apologize to anyone that you meet for having to put up with you." From age 5 until a bit after age 10 I was ordered to do this by my father. How do you think things worked out for me in the animal kingdom which is youth?
"Your mother is short, you are going to be short, you have asthma, you should not be allowed to be around a basketball court or normal people. You're always going to be worthless." My father throws a basketball in my face at full force. I was maybe age 5.
"You throw like a girl." First time being taught how to play catch, one or two throws, exchanged. My father then drills the baseball full force into my face giving me a bloody nose. I still don't know how to properly throw a baseball.
"Stand where I tell you to." I was 4 or 5 and was to help my father saw wood with a bow saw holding end without a handle. He was using the saw to try and bash it into my ribs, and pull it back hard to smash my fingers against the log. He'd bash me with a rake handle when we were raking if I looked at him, or didn't look at him.
"You're worthless, nobody will blame me if I disown you."
"I don't want you living off of me. I don't want to support you."
"I didn't have friends growing up on the farm."
"I worked 14 hours a day, 7 days a week, on the farm."
"You're playing wrong. You are doing it wrong." If I played with my friends at 4 or 5, or whatever age, I was punished. I was also punished for smiling, for joy, and for sitting quietly relaxed.
"What is mentally wrong with you that you'd like him?" Something my father said to girlfriends upon first meeting them and to any of my friends who came around. Most girlfriends were no longer after a 1st meeting with my father.
"You should be checked for being retarded, so I can send you away." I remember this one after I had one the Western Massachusetts Chess Tournament, in 3rd Grade for grades 3 to 12.
"You don't deserve to go on vacation with me, you're not good enough. You are only going because I couldn't get someone to watch your worthless ass."
"I hate him, I'm not taking him out on the boat." Said to my ten year old friends who were taken out on the boat on two consecutive Father and Son fishing weekends in Maine. What pycho father would take his son on a father and son fishing trip, just to show the son and tell others how much he hated his own son? I now regret not turning my father into gym teachers who saw the bruises and abrasions on my back from the constant beatings. I regret not cooperating with a nurse at a hospital to have my father arrested for child abuse.
"I'm not going to your Jr. High Graduation. You're not important. I will go to your sister's."
"Go out and rake the yard right now. I don't want you thinking you can sit on your ass just because we are on vacation." We had just arrived at my grandparents house in North Dakota. The grass had been cut, the yard had already been raked and my father just didn't want me in the house visiting. My grandmother did squash the idea of me raking when it didn't need to be done.
My mother couldn't take the physical and psychological abuse anymore and my father and mother took me out to a nice restaurant for my 16th birthday to announce they were getting divorced. Later, my father said, "Why don't you go live with your mother? Oh, she doesn't want you either."
"I'm not signing any financial paperwork for you to go to college. My father did not pay for my college. You can pay me rent when you turn 18, and you can pay for your own community college if you want to go."
"I want him arrested for something, I want an excuse to kick him out." - said to his friend with whom he often shared a bottle of Scotch Whiskey. My father didn't want to pay for my college and wanted to kick me out of the house before I finished high school.
"If you leave the house, you are never welcome back here."
"You're not welcome to any of my Superbowl parties. You're not good enough. You don't have a four year college degree. I don't even want to see your face on Superbowl Sunday."
"He's a piece of shit liar, don't listen to anything he says. He's worthless. He's a self-employed contractor." Said to my younger sister's now husband the first time my father, my future brother-in-law, and I were in the same room. My brother-in-law and I have been at odds ever since. I thought I had another friend, when we met, and started to hang out. My future brother-in-law, trying to please my father, for his being with my sister, started to rank on me and abuse me as well. My other brother-in-law owned an auto repair shop and my father tried to get him to quit hanging out with me because I was a complete piece of shit because I was self-employed ... that, now deceased brother-in-law was also self-employed.
"If you missed a payment on your credit card, you don't have good credit and you should not be dating." My father perseverated on me, and kept screaming at me, and my girlfriend of 5 years, at my sister's Florida wedding until my girlfriend and I broke up. It was the first time we had spent any time with him as a couple.
"He's lazy, worthless, disorganized, and you have to carry his weight, why do you want to be business partners with my son." My father came to a house that my friend and I were painting. That is what my father said to probably my oldest friend. Every chance he tried to turn my contracting business partner against me. Calling him behind my back is just bi-polar lunacy in the highest degree.
"I wrote you out of the will because my wife told me to." I was invited to go to Christmas Eve with my then wife. I didn't go, but the "meeting" was to tell me I was written out of the will, basically disowned. To that point, my father had no legitimate excuse to take such an action. It was another strain put on my marriage.
"Your sister's Key West house is for family members in good standing. You don't have a college degree. You are not in good standing and will not be allowed there. I will see to it. You are to ask me permission to visit your sister in Ft. Lauderdale or you won't be going there."
"You're not allowed to be around your sister or brother-in-law, unless I'm there too. You get nothing, understand? I don't want the pickup, trailer, or anything going to you, understand?" I found out my brother-in-law, the one married to my youngest sister had been in a motorcycle accident. I knew nothing of his condition and was thinking nothing of possessions. That brother-in-law was my only life raft in a sea of abuse. My father was way less abusive, condescending, demeaning, and cruel to me around him. This brother-in-law was the brother I never had, and a friend who looked out for me as I did him.
"Steve is deciding what is going to be done about your brother, not you." Said to my brother-in-laws older sister when my youngest sister's husband had a motorcycle accident and was in the hospital brain dead. It took my father about a minute to take advantage of a grieving woman and turn her against me for his sadistic twisted pleasures. He prayed on her emotions. My father told me that I was going to get nothing from my brother-in-laws like his pickup truck and trailer and that he would see to it. It didn't even cross my mind. So, my father plotted to turn my youngest sister against me, permanently. So, my father was out to poison my reputation and get as many of my family, and extended family, upset at me, and me so upset at him, my father, that I would not be at the funeral or wake. Mission accomplished.
"Go to the bathroom, right now! I don't care if you have to go, or not." This was screamed, over and over, at me before my Brother-in-laws" funeral and wake. Every time I walked away to get away from my father he follow me, even trying to get in bathroom stall for one with me. I have never met such a lunatic and he is my father. I have never wanted to punch so one so hard, and not stop, ever. Just restraining myself from not becoming violent was all I could do. I had made arrangements to borrow a suit from a woman's son, to go with the woman I was a personal assistant for, and she was to fund my ability to go. My father told me that she couldn't go, meaning that he did not want me at the funeral, so my youngest sister has not, and probably will never talk to me again.
"I want him to go to prison. I don't care what you have to do. I'll pay you, so that he goes to prison. He needs to be taught a lesson." This is what my former attorney told me when I faced a year and a half in prison for pepper spraying a druggie felon who attacked me in my dark driveway, demanding that I give up my wallet or he'd kill me.
"You have to listen to me, anything I tell you to do. You can make no decisions for yourself. You have to consult with me. You are not allowed to complain about any police officers or judges. If you don't agree to do what I say, I will see to it that your daughter never talks to you again and that you never have a contracting business ever again." My father said this to me when he came to visit me in prison for my having resisted being mugged on my own Stafford Springs, Connecticut property. My daughter has not called me, "Daddy", or said, "I love you." or had much to do with me since that conversation.
My father calls the police on me if he knows I have a place to live, a girlfriend, or have a job. I've broken no laws. Police told me that my father approached authorities at the court to see to it that I got prison for something I should have never even been arrested for. [That Story
My father is a wife beating, child abusing, rapist who should be even more ripe for prosecution for his aiding the Great Satan as a minion, Monsanto. But he has not been jailed for decades for any of his crimes. He is rich and living comfortably, even though he is a parasite on humanity.
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