Thursday, April 10, 2008

Editorials from Hell's leading daily newspaper

The below found in its entirety [here]

THE SHUTTLE RIDE TO WORK







I took the shuttle from my brownstone this morning for the brief ride a few blocks to the office this afternoon and the small clump of people waiting at the shuttle stand were having a conversation about how much better off they are to be Imperial citizens vice Americans. The two engaged in the conversation were both women and both white. From their speech I could tell one was from the South and the other from New England. Being the type of demon journalist I am I engaged them. "So what is wrong with terra these days ladies?"

I was met with two faces that looked like they had been munching on a certain variety of citrus fruit. The shorter, blonder and chubbier of the two, whose name is Marcy Underwood spoke first. "Well look at that mess in London and Paris with the Olympic Torch! That's a travesty those people should be given medals for running with that thing under those threats of violence." I stroked my Van Dyke pensively and stopped my tail.


"The runners, yes I see. The brutality of the Chinese government in Tibet then isn't a concern?" I said unblinkingly. Once again the woman frowned but her friend Brenda Campton spoke this time. "I've been trying to tell Marcy that the Tibetan monks so want freedom and liberty from the communists but all she can think of is that her granddaughter needs the cheap stuff at Wal-Mart."

"Those protestors are hippies!" Underwood spat.

"Hippies? They were waving American flags and sought the human rights for Tibetans that everyone on Terra should have." I said in a low soft growl. I can be quite pleasant when I want to be.


"The American people know where their bread is buttered," Marcy said as the shuttle appeared soundlessly in the distance. "We have a consumer economy that is suffering back in Statesboro, Arkansas and having a Wal-Mart nearby where you can get the necessities of life cheap is a blessing. If America alienates China then what will they do?"

"Well that's one side of it," I said. "Were you a supporter of the Grand Old Party in your first life?"


"Hell no I was Democrat from the womb to the tomb and I went to the tomb in 1998. Brenda is a Democrat too but she got here a little later." [more]

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