Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Man Boobs and Raisin Testicles?

(Steroids, needle and sports bra not included)

Gladiator Nitro Says Steroids Gave Him Man Boobs

You might know Dan Clark from his acting career in movies such as “Death Becomes Her” with Meryl Streep or “Equilibrium” with Christian Bale. But you probably know him better as Nitro, arguably the lead male Gladiator from the original “American Gladiators” show. He was athletic, good looking, seemingly smart and articulate: in short, women wanted him and men wanted to be him.

But if we’ve learned anything about our “tell-all” society, it’s that successful and famous people have problems too, so it’s no surprise that Clark has his own memoir coming out. And the NEW YORK POST reports that Clark has a dirty (not-so) secret to confess: he was loaded on more steroids than the BALCO medicine cabinet while filming “American Gladiators.” It was so bad, that Clark eventually developed a condition called “gynecomastia.” In other words, he had man boobs.

“Bitch t- -s, man boobs, breast-chesticles is what they’re called on the street. Gynecomastia is the scientific name. No matter what you call it, I [had] it,” Clark, who was “Nitro” on the smash reality series, reveals in his memoir, “Gladiator: A True Story of ‘Roids, Rage and Redemption,” out next month. “I hate[d] taking off my shirt. For photo shoots, [I’d] wet my nipple with spit . . . [to] look firm instead of hanging down.”

It was so bad that Clark would plead with the wardrobe department to make him new outfits, not revealing that he needed them so he didn’t show more jiggle than Zap. He eventually had to have breast reduction surgery (side note: Nitro with a D-cup equals an AOL Fantasy Sports Girl.)

In addition, Clark would need to explain to his sexual partners why his privates had turned shriveled raisins, which can’t be a fun conversation. And then there was the dull pain every time he had sex. (Or as married people call it, “sex.”) All in all, quite the price to pay for fame.

I’m not shocked that anyone involved in “American Gladiators” was taking massive amounts of steroids (with the possible exception of Larry Csonka and Wesley “Two Scoops” Berry.) But the revelations that Nitro had man boobs will make watching the reruns on ESPN Classic a new experience. It’s a drinking game. Take a shot every time Nitro has to adjust his top to hide his cans. If he has a “wardrobe malfunction” - that’s a whole fifth. Drink up!

The above, re-posted [from here]

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