Religious Rant Blogging
Archive for the 'The Leader' Category
The other day my daughter had some of her friends sleeping over. I noticed to my horror that one of the kids had brought a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Ice-cream. “Young girl”, I asked sternly, “where did you get this from?”
“From the Mall,” She replied – “I saved up my week’s allowance so we could all share it”.
Obviously these kids had not read the news about the abomination and travesty of the constitution which had been unleashed in the formerly great-state of Vermont. I undertood that these kids need to keep their innocence until the day they are married, but just then Jesus helped me realize how I could teach these young girls a powerful life-lesson that they would remember for the rest of their lives.
“Give me that tub of ice cream”, I said to the young girl, “So tell me about this stuff?”
“It’s got chocoloate and cones -”
“And nuts and vanila”, chimed in another girl.
“It’s real tasty”, said a third, “can we have it back?”
“Not just yet – now let me just set the ice-cream down here. Kids, do you know where this stuff is made?”, I asked.
“Yes, that’s right – it comes from a place far away in the north-east called Vermont where only a few weeks ago they ruled that homosexuals should be given the right to marry just like your mommy and daddy. That means in the state of vermont they all think your mommy and daddy are queers… so lets just heap a bunch of these cigarette butts into your ice-cream to represent the faggots and homos who are fornicating in that corrupted state”
“Next, just think about all the sinfulness that’s going on right now in Vermont. I can just imagine Jesus looking down and seeing all that sin going on and shedding a tear. Molly, wont you fetch me that cat-litter tray? I’m going to add a heap of this dirty cat-litter to the ice-cream to represent all the sin and godlessness in Vermont”
“Finally, take a look at the fellow on the carton – I ain’t going to say his name just in case you kids get crazy ideas, but let me just say that he went on TV and mocked George W. Bush, the greatest president that ever lived. Suzie, what do you call a fellow who betrays his president at a time of war?”
“Uh… a rat?”
And with that I fetched up the remains of a rat which the cat had dragged into our house that morning, placing it on top of the cigarette-buts, dirty kitty-litter and the melting ice-cream.
“So girls, do you want your ice-cream back?”
“No way mister Goddard” they all cried in unison – they had truly learnt their lesson. But have you? What would you say if an aquaintance of yours offered you a scoop of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream? Would you eat it or reject it? According to the Bible the correct thing to do is to thow it in the garbage:
Next time somebody offers you a scoop of Ben & Jerry’s vermont Ice-Cream, imagine they just asked to sodomize you and your kids while videoing it for a “gay interest” channel watched by French homos . Then tell them what you think about it.
Yours in Christ,
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George W. Bush firing up a Harley